My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
