We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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