Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
