If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
