1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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