My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
