I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
