it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize