I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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