I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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