Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
