please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
