eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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