I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Farmville is her only friend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
