Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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