I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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