If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
