I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i've created a new STD.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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