You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i came on her dog
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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