i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
