You can't motorboat a personality
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i've created a new STD.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
