She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id be glad to
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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