You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
