Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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