This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
