it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
