So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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