Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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