I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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