So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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