so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
