the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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