no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
