it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
