So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
