In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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