When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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