No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
