just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize