with your own penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize