Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just invented taco cereal.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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