yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
