Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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