just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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