Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
