We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
