Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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