Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im part way to drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
