Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't special order awesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
