there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize