Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
