I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
