Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
