i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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