We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
