she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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