better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
