The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My bed smells like the plague
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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