Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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