she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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