I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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