Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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