He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drake has all the answers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
